don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this beer tastes like vomit already
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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