you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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