Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize