In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
