after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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