Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize