3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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