umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
