Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nutella sex= disaster
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
