then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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