Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
