I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
