Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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