I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
