Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
