im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
