i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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