The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
