dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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