Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
