Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
