Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
