Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
then he tried to convert me to islam
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
