My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
