No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
