Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
