i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
