Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
