you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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