i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
