This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
