New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
