he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
