That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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