Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
