My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
