i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
