what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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