Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
