garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
