why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
