honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
