I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
