So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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