I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Randomize
