Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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