I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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