Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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