"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
