yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I want a musical about memes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
