My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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