He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
