Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I will be naked everywhere
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
