would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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