FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
