According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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