Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
my nose is crying tears of wow.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
