i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
