K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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