we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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