My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
