I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
