Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
