he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
