THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
