We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize