No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
