I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
